Saturday, August 30, 2008

on annie leibovitz

i don't understand how annie has gotten to where she is. well, strike that, she was doing sexy times with some guy at rolling stones and got herself some covers and did that iconic image of yoko and john. oh yeah. she was lovers with susan sontag, a highl respected photo/art essayist.

it's not that annie is a terrible photographer.... she's just BORING. BORING. her male equivalent is mark seliger. seriously, his images aren't as muted, but they're pretty similar! i'm sure she gets a lot of work because the photo subject knows that he/she will not look like an idiot once the image is shot. it's safe... like tear-free baby shampoo.

so boring, she sometimes help me fall asleep when i have trouble. she's like snow on a television... and twice as creepie.

i was excited to hear that one of my favorite models of the 90's, carla bruni, was gonna be on the cover... but now as the first lady of france. carla bruni, patricia velasquez, cindy crawford, helena christensen, christy turlington, and several other models were my favorite.

besides the close up of carla where her hair is covering her face, these images are BORING. this photo i believe is supposed to represent the fact that carla was naked for a decade as a high end model. so now that she's the "new jackie" she has to have some modesty and cover her body up with some nude burberry trench.

i'm missing one photo of carla facing a window and painting... which is fine since it's the most boringest of the group and does nothing to help the photo spread.

the cover is alright. it sorta is a very photo 101 assignment: environmental shoot. but whatever, covers tend to be boring.

the opening page, the sweeping outside photo in her red dress is soooo photoshopped that i think her head is a different image than her body. her face is seriously FUCKED UP. go look at the magazine if you have an opportunity.

i'm just disappointed. but i'm not surprised.

textual attraction

i was trying to reach my friend brooke in ny but she was a ho and didn't pick up my phone calls for awhile... so i decided to call her sister, sage....

since i know sage to a certain extent (we see each other everytime i am in nyc and we always seem to bump into each other on the streets, the restaurants, etc)....

sage is a total character! and she has a great sense of humor!

so i called sage to make sure that brooke was alright but she didn't pick up the phone (probably because she didn't know my number).... but she did end up texting me.... and then that started probably the most entertaining text conversations ever. (spelling as is... i hate text spelling!)

sage: who is this?

me: erykah badu

sage: christanne?

me: who's that? This is carlos. Wassup sugartits?

sage: who the hell is carlos?

me: we hooked up in the bathroom @ zebulon. I gave u $30 afterwards. U stillgot those nerd glasses?

sage: no we did not!

sage: I never hooked up w a carlos or at zebulon nice try!

me: don't get ur panties in a bunch. Wanna meet up @ bkyn indust 4 a hj? $45

sage: Nope!I dont do that stuff sorry

me: How bout 4 some stickers?

sage: How do u know so much about me?

me: cuz u so divalicious.

sage: S----! (her friend's name)

me: abracadabra boo

sage: U got a new number?

me: I aint s---- hunni

sage: Tell me a secret about me then? did we kiss?

me: u like 2 meow like a kitty kat

sage: U r a girl!

me: stay away from my man, whore!

sage: Who is your man!I am not with your man!

sage: I only date single guys and am far from a whore this must be white trash ----- (name)

me: Face it. U love this drama. Why don't u write a poem bout it so I can read it on ur blog.

sage: Who is your man and how did you get my number? why are you contacting me?

me: cuz I wanna hook up with u & ur sis.

sage: Bye bye you are sick.


i'm glad that sage has a great sense of humor because she told her sister about the text conversation and brooke said it was hilarious to hear about it.

i thought i'd type this out since my text messages cannot be saved and my phone is over 2 years old and in its geriatric life-stage.

funny feeling

you know you're online and wasting time when you decide to google yourself.

i've googled myself a couple of times through the years and it always brings up queasy feelings because 1. i really don't want to know what info about me shows up. 2. i feel like i'm stalking someone, but the someone is myself. 3. i feel silly about it.

so i finally did google myself tonight because it's friday night and and i'm sitting alone with nothing to do. which, is probably good because i'm hella tired and i will probably pass out within the hour.

i am happy to see that i don't show up too much, which is fantastic. i don't want to be easily found via the net.

things that do pop up, are old work assignments i did at nyu... which i don't want popping up anymore, but i'm not sure how i'd be able to get rid of it. i took a class about broadway plays (it was my last semester of school, and it sounded fun, but in the end result, the class sucked and my teacher was really into my classmate (i think sexually) so he got a great grade because of "extra credit" he did) while i did so much work for the group that i was like, WTF man?

one thing that did pleasantly pop up for the first time, probably because i haven't googled myself in awhile, is a brief mention of me in the newspaper about a play i wrote when i was 16/17 years old. it's sorta monumental cause i was the first person to write a sexually driven play. you can check out the blurb about me in 1997.

that just made my night!

okay, gonna go to bed now.

p.s. i don't want to have to apologize about not writing much but i have been terribly busy since july with school and people... but i have about 2 weeks off, sorta, where i will be updating and posting much more often!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

the only time i will probably talk politics

i think it's super funny that mccain blames obama for using celebrities because he himself is a celebrity... (i.e. paris hilton and britney spears) and yells at madonna for comparing mccain to robert mugabe and adolf hitler....

and then goes out and HAS DADDY YANKEE try and get the latino vote!

off the hook!

mccain sucking on daddy yankee's cock

mccain calls obama the new mr. hilton

paris hilton gets an honorary phd from harvard:

madonna pisses something sticky and sweet into mccain's mouth

Friday, August 22, 2008

do your research maroon 5!

the point of having a split screen is to tell and weave an interesting story. think of cibo matto's sugar water (backwards and forwards) or closing time (missing someone by seconds) by semisonic... or like lauryn hill's doo wop (that thing) which contrasts two different generations.

again, dead eye maroon 5 has failed. he just wants to show off his douchey hipster body (times 2 at the same time) and that's pretty much it. i've seen him in real life, he's HOT! but his videos are so lacking that i wouldn't be bummed if i never see another video by them.

change your vision!

maroon 5 - goodnight goodnight

lauryn hill - doo wop (that thing)

cibo matto - sugar water

semisonic - closing time

Saturday, August 9, 2008

bernie mac meal please

this isn't my own photo. i am not a star-fucker. i leave my celebs be.

first off, i've been at the vet all day (nightmare, willow has a broken femur and it's not easily fixable at allllllllll) and just got home, sleepy cause i didn't sleep last night, and i heard that bernie mac died!?!?!

here is my bernie mac story:

i am a surface magazine avant guardian. so each year, i'm invited to the party that introduces the new batch of up and coming avant guardian photographers.

i'm in nyc and ming and i are there.

we're walking around people watching and bernie mac is walking to me.

so i squeal to ming "oh my gosh, it's bernie mac!!!!" and i'm all giggles.

he's walking to me so he notices me notice him. i smile at him and then he smiles at me and looks at me and goes:

"hey. what's up?"

and then i smiled and giggled some more and then we parted ways.

awesome. it made my night!

one of these days i'll tell you about my hank azaria nightmare of a party bump. he's weird.

Monday, August 4, 2008

oh doogie!

so weird but funny!